Diet PILLS, PILLS, PILLS!

Way back in 2003, I was introduced to a group of little purple and yellow friends. You may have met them before or seen them around RiteAid or any fine retailer near you: STACKERS 2. Ephedra became illegal in 2003, but a few months too late, for me. I needed to trim the fuck down to fit into an item of clothing, so my new friend Monica (holla at me slutcakes) hooked me up with a Sweets from Heaven bag full of stackers and "herbal" diet supplements. I dropped one or two of these jawns before junior-year AP English class one morning and subsequently experienced some of the most intense anger and irritation I had ever felt in my young life, at the time. I remember glaring across the room at some kid brown nosing my mannish lesbo teacher and for the first time in my life I felt my blood boiling under the influence of drugs. I felt like the main character in Crank* about two thirds of the way into the movie. I was seconds away from launching out of my chair like a bobcat and ripping his heart out. THANKS, STACKERS 2.

I can absolutely see why ephedra was outlawed.

And what about ecstasy pills? That is another entry for another time. And that time is 2004, or whenever raves were popular. Incidentally, ecstasy is the best appetite supressant in pill form I can think of. Not like those pills that Matthew Perry was hooked on that made him bloat like a fat lady in heat.

Thus concludes my very limited study on pills, pills, pills. Stay tuned for my study on bills, bills, bills. Oh shit, my telephone bill? My automo-bills? Then maybe we can chill.

*Say what you want about Crank, but that is effective filmmaking. I've seen about half of it and I felt like I was on fucking crank while watching it thanks to expertly executed quick-cut editing and lots of nu-metal playing in the background of every single scene. It's an interactive experience, like Blue's Clues.