I'm tired of the 9 to 5 grind after a scant year of slaving away to the man. I want to be able to take morning yoga classes on a Wednesday and go to Target on a Monday afternoon when no one is fucking there because a. all of the deadbeats in this town are still sleeping or b. all of the other people are slaving away in front of a computer. Like I am. Right now. Have you been to a bookstore before? Do you know how many books are out there? Why not me? Why can't I be that?????
I am not a creative writer. Maybe I could write a book for kids. I had a good idea a few weeks back - 'Big Dog, Little Dog'. Turns out some other guy already wrote it - some dude named Dr. Seuss? WHO?
Can I turn this blog into a book? Probably not. Of course not. I don't have a gimmick or anything. I'm too poor to write a style blog worth reading because I recycle the same outfits every week and wear the same thing every weekend and I steal any good ideas I might have from blogs who have book deals. Can't make food and take pictures of it - I steal all of the recipes for food I make at home from other blogs (with book deals). Can't write about love, either. I'm 23 and in a stable relationship (no one wants to spend $17.95 to read about happiness) and all of my past relationships were either boring or filled with the usual pleasantries of young love (banging down doors, non-stop weeping in public, not bathing for five days, chain smoking, etc. etc. etc.).
Maybe I don't have a niche, but there's a lot of dumb shit out there. I want my dumb shit out there. I want to PROLIFERATE PRINT. So maybe I could find a place on a shelf next to the Leslie Arfins of the world, or on a table at Urban Outfitters, sandwiched between a couple of books about things shaped like pussies and a couple of weed cookbooks.
**Note: If anyone needs any freelance movie reviews, op-eds, works of erotic fiction, how-to guides, ideas for gruesome death scenes in horror movies, or high school research papers written, please contact me for rates.
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