Have you ever seen something or heard about something and just wanted to vomit all over your keyboard, TV, coffeetable, or life in general? I have. I continue to do so every time I think about THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE.
I like horror movies and I like gore. I am not offended easily. I am squeamish but not sensitive. But come on, you guys. This makes me sick to my fucking stomach. I want to share that experience with you. T.H.C. (haha 420 420 420 420) is an original idea, and I like originality and innovation, in general and on film, I guess, but WTF ew.
I've read all of the spoilers I can find for this movie and here they are, because I know you aren't going to watch it. Read on if you dare: German surgeon in the middle of nowhere, doesn't have a family, "doesn't like humans", traps one (1) Japanese man and two (2) American girls who neglect every possible escape route, removes their knee caps, rendering them unable to stand, and staples the three (3) of them together mouth-to-asshole (in order - Japanese man, American girl, American girl) forming THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE. Two days after the surgery, the Japanese guy has to take a dump, initiating the most disgusting scene of the movie and filling the German surgeon with glee, as he prances around, cheering him on. This begins to grow tiresome, so eventually T.H.C. disables the surgeon, leaving him unable to walk. It is at this point that I would have ripped the staples out of my face and butt and done some damage. In the end, the Japanese guy slits his own throat, the girl on the end dies from an infection, and the girl in the middle survives, but with her mouth attached to a dead Japanese guy's asshole and her butt stapled to her friend's mouth, stranded in a house in the middle of nowhere. Ooookaaayyyy.
I like horror movies and I like gore. I am not offended easily. I am squeamish but not sensitive. But come on, you guys. This makes me sick to my fucking stomach. I want to share that experience with you. T.H.C. (haha 420 420 420 420) is an original idea, and I like originality and innovation, in general and on film, I guess, but WTF ew.
I've read all of the spoilers I can find for this movie and here they are, because I know you aren't going to watch it. Read on if you dare: German surgeon in the middle of nowhere, doesn't have a family, "doesn't like humans", traps one (1) Japanese man and two (2) American girls who neglect every possible escape route, removes their knee caps, rendering them unable to stand, and staples the three (3) of them together mouth-to-asshole (in order - Japanese man, American girl, American girl) forming THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE. Two days after the surgery, the Japanese guy has to take a dump, initiating the most disgusting scene of the movie and filling the German surgeon with glee, as he prances around, cheering him on. This begins to grow tiresome, so eventually T.H.C. disables the surgeon, leaving him unable to walk. It is at this point that I would have ripped the staples out of my face and butt and done some damage. In the end, the Japanese guy slits his own throat, the girl on the end dies from an infection, and the girl in the middle survives, but with her mouth attached to a dead Japanese guy's asshole and her butt stapled to her friend's mouth, stranded in a house in the middle of nowhere. Ooookaaayyyy.
Here are the sluts from the movie in some cute numbers from the Kohl's juniors' department and the Japanese guy.
Did they fart on each other during filming?
One time I ate a bad piece of seafood and I thought to myself, "this must be what an asshole tastes like." And I absolutely fucking hate centipedes. Once or twice a year, one will come strolling through my kitchen and my cats will bat at it while I scream and jump around the living room before murdering it with a flip-flop.
I will not see this movie.
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